You’ve just finished dinner at your parents’ house but the drive home is disconcerting. Beyond the Beltway traffic, another thought overrides everything. Your parents are aging – it’s OK to say the words – “Mom and Dad are old.” Who will take care of them when they are not able to stay in their home? The thought can stop you faster than a red light camera in your neighborhood. The reality is that unless you plan for your parents care, you may end up making a last minute decision that might not be the best for them. Go ahead and take a deep breath (and slow down around those red-light cameras) because here is where you can find out information that can help you make the right decision for them and for you.
The good news is that there are over 600 assisted living facilities in the Commonwealth of Virginia. The daunting news is that assisted living is defined in just as many ways. However, you can “arm” yourself with the best information. An assisted living residence provides housing for elderly people who can no longer live independently in their own homes. An assisted living residence is NOT a nursing home (more on this later) According to the Consumer Consortium on Assisted Living (www.ccal.org), an Assisted Living residence “provides or coordinates oversight and services to meet the residents’ individualized scheduled needs, based on the residents’ assessment and service plans and their unscheduled needs as they arise.” In other words, assisted living is intended to provide a home that may “coordinate or provide” additional services as needed by your parents. So, your next step is to take an objective assessment at what your parents will need if they cannot stay in their own home.
I just had this experience over the holidays! My sister and I know that our parents can’t live alone, but they’ve been in their house so long, I don’t know how to get them to move.
Comment by Sharon — February 17, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
Start looking at different places with your parents before there is an immediate need and a quick decision has to be made. That will start them thinking . . . .it would be nice not to worry about this big house, the maintenance, the yard, having to shop for groceries and cook, not get out to see folks or have any entertainment unless someone comes to pick us up. Hmmmm – in an assisted living apartment all of that worry is over. It will be furnished with their own things – the items of importance to them. There will be time and opportunity to have fun and go places safely with others. Everyone there has had to make the same adjustment and will be supportive to the new kids on the block. Don’t wait, start looking now!
Comment by JAF — February 17, 2009 @ 5:15 pm
So far, members of my family have entered 2 nursing homes and one assisted living residence. I have heard that they are terribly expensive, not to mention the emotional strain on everyone should the person(s) in need resist. I worry about how to handle these issues if I am ever in the position of having to make this decision for someone.
Comment by Debbie — February 19, 2009 @ 8:42 am
Dear Sharon,
THis can be one of the most precious gifts you can give your parents. They may not realize it now. Getting them into a nice retirement community beforeeeeeeee they NEED to and when they are able to go in on the INDEPENDENT or some assistance is the very best way to go. For a few reasons I found this out while assiting with my mom.
1-there are waiting lists everywhere (get on them!)
2-there is an immense amount of research to be done with regards to licensing of these communities and the people etc.
3-convincing your parents/allowing THEM to decide the best place for them to spend their senior years.
4-You will enjoy your parents so much more once you have the PEACE OF MIND they are safe.
I could go on and on…but if they are showing signs of needing help, act now.
Comment by Adult Daughter — April 13, 2009 @ 2:58 pm