November is National Caregiving Awareness Month and if you have parents over the age of 65, it’s been reported that about 75% of them will need some type of extended care. In addition, elders over the age of 75, who have had some type of medical event, are much more likely to need care outside of their homes such as the services provided in a retirement community or assisted living facility. As your parents age, you will begin to face a number of challenges in providing for their care. Now is the time to have the discussion about the type of care needed.

Ken Dychtwald, author of the book “Age Wave,” points out that most elder care is provided by women, either wives or adult children. However, if you are one of the Baby Boomer generation, it is likely that you had fewer children than your parents. On average, Boomers had 2 children versus the average of four that their parents had. You may not even live in the same area as your parents or your siblings. Another challenge for the women who provide, or will provide care for aging parents (or in-laws) is that 80% of women are working today compared with the 38% of women who were working in the 1950s.

The first step in your decision making about the type of retirement or assisted living care that your parents may need is to consider the emotional toll that caregiving may take on you. Caregiving is one of the most difficult things that anyone can do – especially for their parents (or in-laws). Though the first thought is to provide the caregiving by yourself, you have to ask yourself if you can emotionally afford to take care of your parents. The reality is that you may have to bathe your father, possibly help toilet your mother. You may have to spend nights at your parents or you may have to drive them to doctor’s appointments or even the grocery store. You have to ask yourself if you are prepared to devote the kind of time that caregiving will take, and know that it is OK if you decide that you cannot provide the care yourself. Once you know what you can both physically and emotionally provide, you must have a conversation with your parents and the rest of the family about their needs and wishes.

That first conversation is often the hardest thing for families to do, but questions about and answers to such topics as power-of-attorney, finances, advanced directives, and end of life decision must be considered. After the family talk, it is important to seek the advice of a professional. You can talk to a tax accountant, elder-law attorney, and/or a financial planner. Then, put the plan in writing so that everyone in the family knows what your parents’ wishes are. You’ll want to be specific about the timing of your parents’ move to a retirement community. You may even take the opportunity to visit some nearby retirement or assisted living communities. It is much easier to assess a communities potential for providing the care your parents need when an immediate decision does not have to be made.

The retirement and assisted living communities of Retirement Unlimited, Inc. are a great place to start the decision process with your parents. As a family owned company with communities throughout Virginia, Retirement Unlimited, Inc. does not require an endowment or entrance fee in any of their communities. Plus, with services ranging from independent living to dementia care, you are certain to find the right level of care for your parents.

Caregiving is one of the most important, time consuming, rewarding jobs that anyone can do. It is not easy and takes courage, strength, and compassion. You might now be the “parent” for one of your own parents. Or you may be taking care of a spouse. You might be providing part-time care or giving care around-the-clock. All of this caregiving can cause enough stress and frustration to interfere with your own health and well-being. The only way to really care for another person is to take care of you –but how? First, it is important to recognize the signs and symptoms of stress and frustration. Then, you can learn to manage these conditions. The retirement and assisted living communities of Retirement Unlimited, Inc. can help ease the burden of caregiving, even on a short-term basis.

The American Health Assistance Foundation (www.ahaf.org) and the Family Caregiver Alliance (www.caregiver.org) have identified some of the warning signs of stress and frustration. Stress can manifest itself in the following ways:

•    Anxiety or excessive worrying
•    Feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness
•    Anger at inappropriate times
•    Difficulty concentrating
•    Feeling chronically exhausting
•    Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much

Frustration usually arises from a caregiver trying to change something that is not within his or her power to change. The person that you are caring for may need help due to a medical condition or dementia. Normal daily activities such as dressing, bathing, eating, or taking medications, are more difficult. Over time, these difficulties can result in extreme frustration that may result in unintended physical or verbal aggression toward a loved one or can cause other physical problems for you such as:

•    Headaches, shortness of breath, or stomach cramps
•    Compulsive eating
•    Increased smoking or drinking
•    Lack of patience

Stress and frustration can cause many problems for caregivers, but the good news is that you can take steps to manage these conditions and take care of yourself. Some excellent suggestions from both organizations referenced above can be found in detail on their websites. Here is just a sampling of ideas that you can use:

•    Meditate – Just 10-20 minutes of time can make a world of difference. You can learn meditation techniques from books, CDs, or tapes; or you can just take some quiet time to reflect
•    Exercise – Many studies have shown that any physical activity can reduce stress and promote health. Get outside for a few minutes to walk!
•    Keep a journal – Writing down your thoughts and feelings about the events of the day can help to relieve anxiety and allow you to reflect on the positive aspects of caregiving
•    Make a plan to take time off to be with family or go on vacation
•    Ask for help! Asking for help is not a sign of failure and it allows the people in your life who probably want to help you do so.

I’m sure at this point, you are probably thinking: Ask WHO for help? Make a plan to take a vacation?? I can’t take a vacation; I have to care for my mother/father/spouse!! You can take a deep breath because some retirement and assisted living communities, like those at Retirement Unlimited, Inc. can also provide the help you might need, even on a short term basis (like a two-week vacation!). Explore one of the communities on our website to find a wealth of information about the services that we can provide. Contact a community in person, by phone, or by e-mail and watch your stress and frustration begin to subside. We can help you care for a loved one. All you need to do is ask.